The Movie in Our Minds

Most of us live with an ongoing movie in our mind of how life should go.  There are so many things in life that influence that story, shaping why we believe what we believe, about the way our lives should unfold.  This movie plays on the big screen of our brain, in living colour, so life-like that it's often what we come to expect will actually happen.

The Original Script
Me, I expected to be expecting, sooner than later. But the other story I envisioned for myself was being able to create.  My vivid imagination loved to capture and portray beautiful stories.  I would invent exciting tales of adventure and mystery, or I would collage a collection of colours into works of art, it didn't matter which, I loved to spend hours on both. Then, a different story encroached on that dream, one of competition, inadequacy, obscurity.  These elements flipped my script.

Many of us can attest to the script in our heads, the one that leads us to believe there is only one path to accomplishing that certain dream of ours. We know that we are meant for that dream, but for some reason(s), over the years, the traditional means to that end do not seem possible or achievable. But we are a species bent on purpose and fulfillment, our minds will find a way. In a stretch of imagination, our minds create a scenario where suddenly we have the answer, we know a way that we are certain will make our dream happen. Sometimes, we are not even aware of these!

For so many of us, that scenario lies within the possibilities that lie within our children. And often, without us even realizing it, our dreams become intertwined with having children, and all our fulfillment is now riding on the ability to have a family.  

That's what I did.  I chalked up my creative tendencies to 'just a hobby'. Then my mind found a way to tie it into child rearing, it could be part of homeschooling or craft time.  Maybe when my kids were a little older, I could have a bit of spare time to finally write one of the dozen books sitting as outlines on my computer.  Or I could paint and possibly even sell my art at markets & craft shows. You know, ways I could create without all that pressure to make a living at it. My mind created the 'perfect' scenario in order to achieve the dream.

So there I was, everything riding on having a baby. It put tremendous pressure on the need to become a mother, as if I hadn't wanted it badly enough in the first place. I found myself in a place of desperation, with all my eggs in one basket, but none of them were fertile!  Now what?

The Re-Write
It took a few years of soul searching, but finally I began to realize every day is a blank page on which I get to choose the story that is written.  I began by focusing on just the story of each day. Soon I started writing a script with a different ending than I thought this infertility chapter would have.  I began by believing, it was just a chapter, not my whole story.  Next thing I knew, I was changing my story, re-writing the future I once pictured. And guess what, because I was willing to change the script, now that story, my story, is published and sitting on book shelves, it's called The Pregnant Pause.  

My childhood movie in my mind was to be an author, I just never dreamed my first book would be about not being able to become a mother. But much more than that, it is a story that doesn't try to force an outcome but leans in with faith that our purpose can't be missed.

Have you looked at the dream behind the dream lately?  You know your movie like the back of your hand, but what's the motivation?  Is it time for you to begin writing the next chapter in your story?


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