The Support Spectrum

As my many infertility years began to accumulate, I began to recognize this dichotomy in the journeys of those who shared the affliction. We were all experiencing the pain of hopes deferred, we were all experiencing losses upon losses, we were all experiencing empty arms. Yet. Every one of us had a unique path after that; what measures we would take, what the results would look like. 

Each story shared one heartbreak, but not one outcome was the exact same.

I began to see how this was divisive in the support groups I tried to belong to. A labelling happened between which treatments people pursued, and a defining of what was 'good' or 'bad'. Then eventually there was division between those who ended up with children and those who didn't. And if you didn't feel the same way alongside them, then you were ostracized as well.  I felt like we had so much in common, I couldn't understand why we couldn't just let each person have their own journey without acting like it reflected on our own. 

I then went searching for more like minded women, who saw what we were going through as an opportunity for a supportive community, those who were in the minority, who despite minor differences could understand, empathize, support, during each other during our lowest of lows. It took some time, but I found them. And I have been there for them whether they've chosen adoption, IVF, medication, fostering, or miraculously been given a natural conception after all. As they have been there for me as I went through miscarriages and eventually realizing that the end of our infertility journey was being childless. 

Every journey welcomed, every journey honoured. 

What has made the difference? 

Faith. Faith has been the difference. We hold on to a hope much, much larger than ourselves. We can't possibly understand the enormity of God's entire plan, and how our situation fits in, but though it's hard to trust the unknown, we all feel we can trust our known God.  

We all started at the same place.

In His hands. 

We will all end at that same place.

In His hands. 

Everyone of us has our own story in the arc between those horizons, but because we share the same end and the beginning, we have the same perspective of the meaning of life, and it allows us to come alongside each other in our spectrum of differences in unhindered harmony. 

Many unique paths, but united we are even brighter and more beautiful.

I know I've found my rainbow after the storm. Like most things, it wasn't the rainbow I wanted or expected but it has been exactly what I needed. 

Next week is Infertility Awareness Week, and this community grows every year, which makes it all the more diverse. Just like we've been learning in the rest of life, diversity in every community is important, varying experiences expanding our empathy. Having a spectrum of support in our circles only makes us stronger. Now more than ever, we need to embrace our differences to overcome our shared pain.

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