Treasure Hunting

Not unlike most females, I am enthralled with gemstones. Diamonds yes. Opals, very much yes. But pearls most of all. All three of my favorite precious stones have a way of reflecting rainbows, which is part of the reason I love them so much (and could be an entire blog on their own) but pearls have a whole other layer of meaning for me. I think it's because of my oyster-defense-system.

The passive defense

About 21 years ago I wrote a poem to process an abusive relationship I had been freed from a few years before that, and I was trying to articulate the miraculous good that came from enduring that situation. I won't share that rudimentary rhyme with you, but I found the essence of what I experienced in the analogy of an oyster and it's pearl.

The whole reason we have such beautiful gems as pearls is because of the oyster's defense system against irritants and parasites, creating a protective layer between it's vulnerable areas and the harmful object. But each protective layer is very thin, and depending on the intruding item, it can take a long time to develop enough layers to be fully protected from the pain.  

I resonate with this type of self-protection for a number of reasons. First, because it's very passive, I have never been a fan of confrontation or conflict, and over the years I stayed with my ex, I quietly kept adding very thin layers over my heart to protect me from the pain he inflicted, until I felt nothing for him anymore. And that's the second similarity, it takes years...for me it took me almost 5 years to get to that point.  This self-protection is a common style of defense against hurt, and yet I know many others who let those layers of protection turn their heart into stone over long periods of exposure to pain, but that didn't happen to me. That leads me to the third reason I feel connected to this analogy, which is because I feel that what I learned through the pain made my heart stronger rather than harder, AND more beautiful like a pearl. 

The active defense

Just over a decade later, the analogy of pearls would come back to me during the struggle of trying to become a mother. I was so tired of the irritants of infertility. I cried out to God, begging Him to end the waiting. And that's when I got a vision of a string of pearls around my neck, the biggest pearls I could have ever imagined in a necklace. And the understanding of what they meant came to me as quickly as the picture. I remembered the purpose of the pearl, how it had come to mean beauty & strength out of adversity.

Once again, I realized I had been in oyster-defense-mode, adding little layers over my heart, over and over, to protect me from the pain of childlessness. I was on the cusp of that moment, where I could let it turn my heart to stone or let it become a pearl. I sensed God letting me know He wanted to help me persist patiently, so that I could find something precious on the other side. It still involved safe guarding my heart, but this wasn't a reactive kind of protection, this was a pro-active choice. This would have to be intentional, this would be work, and the difference was choosing what it was I was layering over my heart. Bitterness or trust. Anger or joy. Fear or love.

The Mother of Pearls

That was nearly a decade ago, and if you've read any of my blog posts or social media from the past several years, I hope it's clear I chose to pursue the pearl. The treasure that came out of those trials has been countless, there were in fact plenty of precious gems on the other side of perseverance. I have several nurturing relationships where I get to mother. My jobs involve walking alongside people in pain and helping them find light in the darkness. I get to be the artist & writer little Lori dreamed of as a kid.

In fact, this pearl analogy inspired another piece of writing and it's about to be published! It began in early 2022 with an introduction to someone in the infertility & loss world, who then also became an author connection as well ...... and then that led to her introducing me to another author in the infertility world. The next thing I knew, last May I was invited to be a contributing author for an infertility devotional book. I felt so priveleged to be able to collaborate with the main author Sheridan Voysey, and the collection of female & male voices who created Praying Through Infertility, being released at the end of this month. This is a 90-day devotional, 90 different personal experiences, and my oyster analogy made it into one of the three articles I was able to share in the book.

Another pearl added to my string. I feel like I can say now I have that necklace, those pearls of promise. And I dare say, they keep coming.

If you are struggling to find the hope in the hurt, may I recommend reading Praying Through Infertility, compiled from almost 40 people who have all gone through it and found pearls of wisdom on the other side. My wish is that our stories spark hope in you as well.

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